I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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