covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
