If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
