I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You're like the curious george of whores
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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