ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
