i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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