chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
