I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
