Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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