I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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