just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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