I'm pants shitting drunk right now
okay pat passed out under dana's car
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I wish you could order shots online.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
