is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Operation Purity has been aborted
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
