He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
