wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
