Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
