If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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