They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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