Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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