I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
This is my life. Enjoy the view
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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