when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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