When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
