the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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