and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I can't turn off my feet"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
