..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Randomize
