it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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