Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
