omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
