there's paper in my vomit.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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