eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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