Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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