i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize