shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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