My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
