'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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