Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
