ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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