i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she peed on how many people?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
