she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
