I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
