Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
