i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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