Porn is love you can see.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
