oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
