I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
