Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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