he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
