just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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