I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
