Ambien. No doubt about it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
