I never want to see another naked old woman again.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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