You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize