I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
