my phone needs a breathalizer
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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