This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
