i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
