"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
