a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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