i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
