Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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