dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
