the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize