She is in my trunk
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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