i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
