is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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