i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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