I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
