you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
