You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
