Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We just shotgunned beers for America
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
