At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
