so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
