Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize