She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
