the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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