your parents love me but you hate me
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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